Viewing From Above
Dear citizens beneath,
I have been asked on behalf of my constituency to complain about your irritating behaviour, and whether you would do us all the courtesy of stopping. Let me give you some examples of I have personally viewed from above.
Irrespective of your age or gender, it would seem you all avidly dawdle with electrical devices. It is not the product itself which seems to be the problem, but you are, the users. You insist that rattling up the volume to its maximum degree on the television. This should be the solution so you can hear that Jonathan Clarkson talk about the latest Jaguar model ‘you must have’ on the show Up Gear. I am not the sort of fellow who wants or needs to learn about that. I have no use for cars after all.
The box-set is not the only automated machine you decide to ruin. These so called mobiles, laptops and game consoles, which might be ‘trendy gadgets’, do seem to play the same monotonous dinging noise you call music. Fine you might enjoy it, but to repeatedly listen to the same song simply gets tiresome. The clamour literally makes me tremor.
Oh dear what is that smell? Clearly some of you believe that having a shower at least once a day is a curse. Before long your shadow, which follows behind you, is suffocated by the trial of midgets, melted sugar lumps, and sweaty particles that cloud upon it. Even from this height I need a mask to avoid inhaling your noxious fumes. Mine are bad enough let alone having to put up with yours.
This misery is prolonged into the dreariness which you call ‘night time’. Once you have finally decided to go to sleep upon your mattresses, I give off a cheer only for it to turn into a smoulder at the sound of your snoring. Sorry, should that be your squawking, hissing and snorting? I thought thunder was loud. I have been proved so wrong. If there happens to be a storm in the evening it is muffled by your nose motoring on. Have you not heard of these new remedies you can have? The signs would point to no. You do know I need my sleep as well.
The other day one of my neighbours told me that they had heard some of you ranting over a frivolous matter. It concerned who was going to put the rubbish on the curb. As I say, a trivial matter, but you reacted in such a hyperbolic way. Floorboards were thumped upon, plates were propelled across the room, and water pipes leaked. It was such a callous calamity which should have been just a calm conversation.
With the demonic commotion below, I do wonder why I have not intervened sooner. Then again I am an old fool who has been through such a dreadful history. Be it epidemics, wars or earthquakes, we lot have fallen but thanks to you have risen. Perhaps that is why we allow you to stay.
Just do us this one errand please. Before you make a decision that disturbance and feuding should take priority over serenity, consider our feelings too.
Your faithful companions from above,