Cold

 Cold

 The wind filters through me, wave by wave crashing into my skin

 My hands are so numb, blue icicles form on the tops of my nails

 Goosebumps climb along the hairs of my shaking arms and legs

 My sister builds sandcastles along the stony, shining sand

 Mum reads a book under the sunny glaze of the calm, watered sky

 And Dad runs back and forth, back and forth into the sea, laughing as the tide follows

 I know I should be cold, but all I feel is warmth

I know I should be cold, but all I feel is warmth...Copyright © 2013 Pok_Rie. All rights reserved.

Alright

Alright

It is both ‘World Mental Health Awareness Day 2020’ and ‘Dyspraxia Awareness Week 2020’ so I wanted to share a piece of my poetry of mine to you called ‘Alright’. In the piece I explore that despite how challenging living with Crohn’s disease, dyspraxia, anxiety and depression may be, I will be alright in the end thanks to your kindness. Thank you for all your support over the years. It has meant a great deal to me.

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Alright

I sit in the dark, shaking
As hopeless thoughts swarm in my mind, shouting:
‘You’re not good enough’
‘You’re a loser’
‘You deserve to be upset’
And I start to believe their burning words

But soon the light seeps through, and a voice, whispers:
‘You deserve to be happy’
‘You are a winner’
‘You are good enough’
They open their warm hands towards me, and that’s when I know
I’ll be alright

 They open their warm hands towards me...Copyright © 2019 Jackson David. All rights reserved.


Change


Change

I have found change difficult ever since childhood.

When I was at primary school, I would cry the night before starting a new year because it meant there would be a different teacher, a different class, a different set of rules to follow. This uncertainty made me fearful, and after a few days of settling in again I ended up liking the teacher.

This fear of change has continued to a degree into my adulthood. One of the reasons for this is because change has sometimes been negative. Some examples of this are being diagnosed with Crohn’s disease, dyspraxia, anxiety and depression and the consequent physical and mental health challenges that have come with this, for instance hospital stays, medication, lots of toilet stops and very dark days. Other examples of change included being bullied in secondary school for being ‘different’ or an ‘outsider’ when all I wanted to do was to complete my homework on time and to make friends.

A big change has come into all our lives this year of 2020 due to the Coronavirus pandemic. For many this has meant not being able to hug loved ones; to limit the amount of face-to-face contact and socialising we have been allowed to do; to be asked to ‘stay at home’ and to ‘shield’ in order to protect ourselves and others; and during the lockdown in the United Kingdom in March 2020, to spend more time indoors.

This period has been a massive change in my own life because in April 2020 my dad sadly passed away in his nursing home due to complications with his advanced progressive multiple sclerosis. Over the years I have witnessed my dad’s health deteriorate from being a healthy man who ran half-marathons, to not being able to walk, to being in a wheelchair, to transferring into a nursing home in 2011, all the way to his death in 2020. This change is one I cannot get use to at the moment as it feels so difficult to come to terms with how I will not hear his voice; to not have any more conversations about travelling around Europe or my radio work; to not being able to play games of Scrabble or Dominoes with him; or to touch his soft, warm fingers. I hope in time it will get easier.

Change has sometimes been negative in my life. However, I want to end this blog post with hope for the future. When things slowly return to normal, and they will no matter how long it may feel. I hope there will be lots more positive times ahead. I hope to form new friendships with people I have yet to meet; to be able sit in a restaurant and feel safe to do so; to write more poetry and to get my middle grade fiction novel published; to travel the world to see beautiful lakes, mountains and waterfalls; and to be able to see and hug family and friends once again. So here is to positive change to come.

 To travel the world...Copyright © 2016 Free-Photos. All rights reserved.

I’ll Remember


I’ll Remember

Sunday 21st June 2020 marks ‘Father’s Day 2020’. So, I want to share with you the poem I read at my dad’s funeral in May 2020. This piece of poetry called ‘I’ll Remember’ is in dedication to him and explores some of the personal memories I have of him. Take care everyone.

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I’ll Remember
(Poem dedicated to my dad, Leigh Borrett, 1960 - 2020)

I’ll remember when we swam in the Great Barrier Reef and tickled colourful fish beneath our feet
                                                      
I’ll remember when we rode camels through the desert, and watched whales dive out of the ocean from a rubber dinghy

I’ll remember how we solved fractions for my maths homework and played Countdown to improve my spelling

I’ll remember you flicking the football towards my trainers with your walking stick as we played in the park

I’ll remember your cheeky smile, your roar of a laugh, and the way I called you a ‘troublemaker’ once in a while
                                                   
I’ll remember when you always wanted to go first at Whot, created multiple words every go at Scrabble, and all our games of Dominoes and cards as a family

I’ll remember how you flew up to 13,000 feet to take one giant leap, and then inspire me to do the same, nine years later

I’ll remember how every time others saw us together, they would say we were ‘so alike’ from our faded blonde hair to our curved lips

I’ll remember how you may have been a ‘different’ dad, but these ‘differences’ were so special to me

So when one star shines brightest in the darkest of skies or orange butterflies flap their wings as they pass by,

I’ll remember, I’ll remember

You


 I’ll remember, I’ll remember...You...Copyright © 2020 Pixabay and iStock. All rights reserved.

Dust


Dust

It has been one month since my dad sadly passed away in his nursing home due to complications with his advanced progressive multiple sclerosis on Tuesday 7th April 2020. It has not been an easy month. However, I want to share with you a piece of poetry called 'Dust'.

‘Dust’ was written in January 2020. Although it was originally about the war especially 'Victory in Europe Day’, which will be celebrated again on Friday 8th May 2020, it can now also be viewed in terms of the war against the Coronavirus pandemic. The poem also reflects on my dad, so this piece can be seen as small tribute to him.

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Dust

The sky cries dust everyday
Thick dust from the clouds above
They are saying on the radio to keep indoors
I hold onto my dad’s hand, barely lifeless, as the dust pours

I close my eyes and hear the screams of those fighting
Fighting on the dark battlefield without any lighting
And hope one day they can return home safely
Until then I keep hold of my dad’s fragile hand

Months of dust, and rain, and smoke last, but it eventually passes
And they are shouting on the radio, ‘Victory’, ‘Victory’
But inside our room the thick dust rages on as I let go of my dad’s hand
The fighting is over, but my dad has lost his war.

I let go of my dad's hand...Copyright © 2020 Desmon Sndy Project. All rights reserved.