Jake Borrett's Writing Blog: 2019

I Catch Stars in the Palm of My Hand

I Catch Stars in the Palm of My Hand

It is 'Anti-Bullying Week 2019'. I was badly bullied during my time at secondary school. I want to share a poem of mine with you called 'I Catch Stars in the Palm of My Hand'.

The message behind this poem is that despite how large the world may seem, you are special. Do not let your bullies make you think otherwise. You are creative, funny, passionate, determined and beautiful, and no one has the right to make you think otherwise. Be brave to tell someone and always believe in yourself.

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I Catch Stars in the Palm of My Hand

I catch stars in the palm of my hand

Little fires shimmer with a silent boy who proved his mind was loud

Bigger jewels expand with cannulas, stool samples, a stomach of spikes

Some as fat as planets circle a man lying in bed with legs as stiff as stone

While others darken with thoughts of taking one leap into the unknown

Then there are others which shine so bright with hope

Each and every star is a memory, a moment, shouting

Despite how gigantic the world may appear, we are not small

We are special.

Eternal Fires

Eternal Fires

‘Eternal Fires’ is a poem of mine which explores the importance of hindsight and looking back, but more so about the significance of letting go of these past memories in order to move forward to create positive future times. This piece touches upon personal memories throughout too. I hope you have a brilliant October 2019 and there will be lots more articles, stories and poetry on ‘Jake Borrett’s Writing Blog’ over the coming weeks and months. Take care.

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Eternal Fires

We wish happy moments were an eternal fire, always blazing

Playing games of Scrabble and Articulate as we sit on cushions

Walking over hushed bridges under a burnt orange sky

Stroking each other’s fingers under oak trees with birds soaring up high

Laughing over in-jokes, sharing slices of toast, spilling lemonade on our lap

Being together with loves ones where a good day stokes the embers

So, they continue to always shine.

But no matter how precious,

We have to let go of these past moments

If only to make others, and then we can be free

That’s Strength

That’s Strength

When you say, no.

No to the bullies who punch and kick you in the school corridor.

No to the inflammation that lines the walls of your small intestine.

No to the words which are trying to stay stuck behind your tongue.

No to the confused pathways and paralysed legs and arms.

No to the tumours slicing up your brain, corrupting your memories.

No to the fear of having a couple of drinks of coke with your friends.

No to the top of the cliff, to the bottom of the lake, the middle of the train tracks.

No to the shame of having to ask for help when you need it the most.

When you say, yes

To keep asking, keep believing, keep breathing

That’s strength

It Takes Guts

It Takes Guts

Sunday 19^th May 2019 is ‘World Inflammatory Bowel Disease Day 2019’. This is a time to reflect and to raise awareness of Crohn’s disease and ulcerative colitis, which are the two main forms of Inflammatory Bowel Disease affecting 300,000 people in the United Kingdom and millions more worldwide.

I was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease at the age of thirteen in November 2007. It took four years, blood test, colonoscopies and a second doctor’s opinion to get a diagnosis. This was after my first doctor stated the regular symptoms of abdominal pain, diarrhoea, weight loss and vomiting I was experiencing were ‘imaginary’ and a product of an ‘over-anxious mother’. Since then I have undergone surgery, liquid diets and medication to try and manage the disease. In October 2013, during a flare-up that hospitalised me for six days, my potassium levels dropped to such a dangerously low level that I was put on emergency intravenous drips.

However, I have also graduated with a first-class honours degree in English Literature and Creative Writing from University of Hertfordshire; passed my driving practical test first time in an automatic car; completed a tandem skydive in June 2018 in aid of Crohn’s and Colitis UK and Dyspraxia Foundation; and have met many kind, support, determined, empathetic, passionate people living with hidden disabilities. As Crohn’s and Colitis UK have campaigned this year, it takes guts to live with this disease.

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It takes guts to live with a hidden disability where inside your intestine or colon is inflamed and ulcerated but on the outside you look like a ‘healthy’ and ‘normal’ boy or girl.

It takes guts to inject yourself with biologic treatments; take medication tablets with unwanted side effects; to go to hospital in order to survive; to cry in toilets; to feel so scared.

It takes guts to confront doubters, who claim you ‘don’t look sick enough’ to use the disabled toilet as you need to go or need to empty your stoma bag.

It takes guts to stand up to school bullies who call you ‘lazy’ or ‘stupid’, who laugh that your underweight or overweight, you are ‘different’.

It takes guts to say no to friends who have invited you out, because you are too exhausted, too anxious, too depressed to go along.

It takes guts to write poetry, to sing songs, to make videos to express how you truly feel.

It takes guts to talk, and realise you are not alone.

It takes guts to do what is right for you to get through the day.

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Thank you for your kindness and supporting me living with Crohn’s disease, dyspraxia, anxious and depression. I am proud to have written most of these words whilst sitting on the toilet. I will not let any of my conditions beat me, and that in itself takes guts.

Mum

Mum

I would like to wish you all a very happy Mother’s Day 2019 here on Sunday 31^st March 2019. I know I would not be here without mine in more ways than one. Thank you for all the laughter, the smiles, the hugs and believing in me through the good times and bad living with hidden disabilities and mental health conditions.

I have written a poem titled ‘Mum’ to explore how much she means to me, and to show that mums are wonderful.

Mum

Mum,

You believe me when I say I am ill, when they do not,

Your ‘Strictly Come Dancing’ routines make me laugh a lot.

You light up the room, make the darkest English skies so bright,

You make me proud you challenge systems that are not right.

You talk to strangers in supermarkets, banks, ques,

Then embarrass me like all parents do.

You terrify all the monsters that want to take me away.

You make life magical, worth living, in every way.

There is so much more I would like to say,

But remember this, I will love you always.

Alive

Alive

In the most violent of storms, look towards the lighthouse guiding your way

In the heaviest of showers, find the pot of gold at ends of rainbows

On the cloudiest of days, search for the patch of blue in the sky

When the sun descends into the horizon, remember it will always rise

When knives and needles bite in your arm, stroke your mother’s hand

When boys shove you in school corridors, get up and stand

When fake friends leave you, remember real ones who stayed

When loss and terror scare you, know that things can change

On the darkest of days, when you feel like disappearing

Think of sunshine, starlight, rainbows appearing

Think of snowdrops, laughter, skiing and skydive,

If you do one thing, please, stay alive.

Blue Skies

Blue Skies

2018 has been a challenging, frightening, exciting year for me. I had a minor urine infection; had a colonoscopy and an MRI ‘Small Bowel Study’; have recently started the biological treatment, Adalimumab ‘HUMIRA’ in order to treat a stricture of my small bowel due to my Crohn’s disease; have been overwhelmed with anxiety; felt extremely low on difficult days; and have seen the further decline of my dad’s health due to his primary-progressive multiple sclerosis.

However, there were many positives and achievements. Some of the highlights include:

› Passing my driving practical test first time in an automatic car with four driving faults. This led on to getting my own car and driving on the motorway.

› Completing a tandem skydive in aid of Crohn’s and Colitis UK and Dyspraxia Foundation. Thanks to your donations, we raised over £2,000.

› Joining a gym to improve my physical and mental health.

› Being a finalist for ‘The President’s Award’ at the St Albans District Chamber of Commerce’s Community Business Awards 2018.

› Doing a bit of travelling.

› Working on writing projects.

› Appearing on Trident Media Radio in association with University of Hertfordshire, Radio Verulam and BBC Three Counties Radio and in The Herts Advertiser.

› Raising awareness of hidden disabilities and mental health conditions.

› Spending time with loved ones, friends and yourself.

I also learnt that is important to be kind to yourself; it is okay not to be okay; and to always believe in yourself. You are amazing.

Resolutions for 2019

It is currently Tuesday 1^st January 2019 as I write this article and the year ahead is uncertain. Like always there will be difficult times but there will also be a fun, emotional and lifechanging moments. Like every year I set some possible goals to aim for.

Here are some of mine for 2019:

› Spend time with the people I care about. You are the reason why I am still here.

› Become a published author of children’s and young adult fiction novels.

› Travel the world as there is so many beautiful places to see.

› Raise lots more awareness of hidden disabilities and mental health conditions.

› Ultimately, to be happy.

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I want to say thank you once again. You are the reason I keep writing; keep speaking; keep living. It means so much that I have you. You make the cloudiest of the skies the brightest shade of blue.

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