Jake Borrett's Writing Blog

Sky

Sky

Sky, water-droplets fly like crystals passing by,

But they only see rain and I wonder why, sky.

Sky, birds float like clouds stretching far and nigh,

But they only see swarms and I wonder why, sky.

Sky, kites glide like sapphires hung up high,

But they only see paper and I wonder why, sky.

Sky, butterflies dance like candyfloss that dips and dives,

But they only see pests and I wonder why, sky.

Sky, with treasures that dance and float, glide and fly,

Why does no one look at you through my eye, sky?

I was recently asked, ‘What are some of your greatest moments so far?’ On reflection I realised there have been many. I graduated with a first-class honours degree in English Literature and Creative Writing from University of Hertfordshire. I was awarded the ‘Matthew Hunt Award 2017’ by the Dyspraxia Foundation; won ‘Radio Presenter of the Year 2017’ at the Trident Media Awards; have appeared on Radio Verulam and BBC Three Counties Radio; have been published in newspapers; travelled around Canada with my cousin; recently passed my practical driving test first time in an automatic car; and of course, spending time with you. In all of these occasions I am thankful to you. I know I would not have achieved any of this without your kindness.

Kindness probably started when I was born in the morning of Wednesday 17^th August 1994. Since I do not remember much of then, I would say it began when I was nine years old. I sat on the sofa in the living room as an agonising pain stabbed at my small intestine. I remember the sample pots; the charts which likened poo to shapes of food; the misguided use of laxatives; and four years of accusations I was ‘imagining’ the physical pain. I also recall my mum believing the tears, screams and everlasting nights on the toilet. Her belief led me to be diagnosed with Crohn’s disease at the age of thirteen in November 2007. Since then, I know I can always rely on her. Thank you, Mum.

The innocence of playing tin-pot rounders and attending chess club faded when I joined secondary school. During these seven years I learnt the consequences of having Inflammatory Bowel Disease; witnessed the health decline of my dad, who was transferred into a nursing home and later developed sepsis, which nearly killed him; and I was also bullied. In corridors I was punched and kicked; belongings were broken and stolen; cups of pasta were thrown on my shoulder; lisps were mimicked; and I recently recall someone firing a small piece of carboard into my eye with an elastic band on the school bus. It was not all gloom as a few amazing women in the learning support department listened. They built up the confidence in my writing and also myself. I am also thankful to a couple of close friends who defended me against some of the bullies. Thank you both.

I later decided to enrol at University of Hertfordshire to study English Literature and Creative Writing. Like many of you, university was tough, mainly due to flareups, panic attacks, deferments and it was also a time when I was diagnosed with dyspraxia at the age of eighteen by an educational psychologist. Nevertheless, it was also beautiful as I have fond memories including the ‘3…2…1’ ice-breaker challenges; playing lots of games of cards, including poker; inviting guests to speak on my radio show; and laughing over tasty burgers and sparkling lemonade at local bars.

The proudest achievements would not have occurred without you. I would not have passed my driving practical test without the humour and wisdom of my driving instructor; not have achieved the ‘Matthew Hunt Award 2017’ without the compassion of the Dyspraxia Foundation; not have spoken on the radio or written in newspaper articles without the belief of presenters, producers and editors; not have travelled around Canada without the courage of my cousin deciding to study Sports Science a year abroad; and not spending precious seconds with you without your empathy to ask if I am okay on the days where I would rather see total darkness than play games of Articulate over a Chinese takeaway.

It only takes a few words of kindness to save a life. Yours saved mine from bullies, illness and even on occasion from myself.

Bubbles

Bubbles

I blow bubbles and watch them dance.

Little ones twist with tooth brushing; mouthfuls of ice-cream; binge watching of late night Doctor Who.

Many inflate with friendship and laughter spilt over pints of coke; crowed poetry readings; swooping across the ever-darkening sky.

Those in the corner darken from cries in hospital beds; punches and kicks in school corridors; fear; anxiety; self-loathing; guilt.

Others spark with bob-sleighing down Canadian ice; snapshots of mortarboards hanging mid-flight; driving across sunlit hills; radio broadcasting; passion; triumph.

They all wait...and wait to pop, to let go...

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Wednesday 28^th February 2018 marks four years since I launched ‘Jake Borrett’s Writing Blog’. Whenever you may be reading this message, I want to say thank you. Thank you for being there for me on the darkest days of flare-ups, bullying, anxiety, but also the good days of spending precious moments with loved ones. Here is to many more incredible times together.

My Snow Angel

My Snow Angel

My little-self strokes the flakes sleeping on my mittens.

‘Look sugar!’ My words drift along the morning air.

Together we nuzzle the snow, spreading our arms and legs

Wide, sketching a template of ourselves until white dusting

Covers our heads. Our angel will never melt away,

As long as I promise snow can come back another day.

My bigger-self watches the flurries buzz across the night,

Dancing before slipping onto the pavement.

Together we shroud the numbing in our palms as I place

My hand to the glass. I see you lying in bed, arms and legs

Wide. Frozen. I promise to melt the snow away,

Only if I could be with you, my snow angel, for one last day.

Golden Horizons

Golden Horizons

2017 was a challenging year for me. I cried; experienced anger; my Crohn’s disease flared-up; and I was often overwhelmed with anxiety; felt extremely low on the darkest of days; and witnessed the further decline of my dad’s health due to his primary-progressive multiple sclerosis.

However, there were also many positives. Some of the highlights include:

› Travelling around Canada with my cousin. Visiting Yellowknife in January and witnessing the Northern Lights twice was incredible.

› Going on an Arvon residential creative writing course in Shropshire, which specialised in young adult fiction under the supervision of writers, Julia Green and Marcus Sedgwick.

› Winning ‘Radio Presenter of the Year’ at the Trident Media Awards at University of Hertfordshire.

› Attending the Dyspraxia Foundation’s Annual General Meeting and Conference in London, where I met so many likeminded people and won the ‘Matthew Hunt Award 2017’. I did not expect to win.

› Appearing on Radio Verulam across the year and on BBC Three Counties Radio three times.

› Contributing to a Poetry Open Mic Night at The Poetry’s Society Poetry Café in Convent Garden, London. I read ‘Oh Butterfly’ and ‘Bubbles’, which were both received extremely well.

› Most recently, passing my driving theory test with 49/50 in the multiple choice and 66/75 in the hazard perception.

› Spending time with loved ones, friends and yourselves.

I also learnt to be more confident and determined in myself; and to accept that small things such as butterflies, bubbles, golden horizons and having a good day are so important.

Resolutions for 2018

It is currently Monday 1^st January 2018 as I write this article and it is uncertain how the next 364 days will go. I know there will be tough days but also unforgettable moments. Like every year though I set some possible goals to aim for.

Here are some of mine for 2018:

› To get my young adult fiction novel published with the help of a literary agent/agency.

› Pass my driving practical test as I have recently passed my driving theory test.

› As I enjoyed Canada so much, to go travelling again with my cousin.

› To do more exercise and to enjoy doing it.

› Finally complete a tandem skydive in aid of ‘Crohn’s and Colitis UK’ and ‘Dyspraxia Foundation’ after saying I would since 2012 and even perhaps before then.

› Raise lots of awareness of hidden disabilities and mental health.

I should really also add, to be kind to myself as well.

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I want to end this article by thanking you. You are the reason I keep writing; keep speaking keep fighting; keep breathing. I will never stop raising awareness of hidden disabilities and mental health. It means so much more that I know you will be there with me in each dark day but also in each golden horizon too.

Jake Borrett's Writing Blog

Pages

Sky

A Few Words of Kindness

Bubbles

My Snow Angel

Golden Horizons