The Chair and I
‘The Chair and I’ is a monologue told in the present tense.
Set in a garden at night, a person places a wooden chair in front of them before sitting on the grass. They speak openly and honest about their emotions in a first person monologue. Their identity is hidden.
PERSON: Just listen to me for a sec. It might change your life. [Pauses and stares at the wooden chair.] Right, are you ready? [Waits for a reply.] Yes? Good. [Leans head forward.] You don’t look like the sort who wants to be mucked about. You seem to be someone who wants to get straight to the point. [Pauses and moves their little finger back and forth.] Well come in closer. No, closer than that. Oh come on now, you’re just being silly. Pull the bloody chair with you if that helps. [Looks at the chair as it gradually moves towards them.] Right that’s better.
Now you can actually get to know me. Do I smell good? [Waits for a response and is shocked by it.] Really? That bad? Well you’re no better. It doesn’t look like you’ve taken a shower for a week. I mean come on. [Points at the chair in front of them.] Look at your stupid hair and all. It’s sick. It’s covered in grease and that’s only the start of it. [Smirks and speaks sarcastically.] Oh I’m sorry. You’re offended? Shame.
Oh yeah, where were we? [Pauses in contemplation.] Oh yes that’s it. I told you to listen for a second. Well we didn’t learn much, expect one thing. [Pauses, realising.] The fact is you’re not really there. [Angrily.] The chair is empty for God’s sake! You really think I’m thick? I’m not you know. [Waits and then carries as if deeply upset.] I’m just different.
[Stands up on the grass and raises voice.] Now get lost before you start judging more than my hair. [Points to their own head.] Trust me you don’t want to get inside my mind or anything.
Oh please, just shut up!
[Before exiting, they pick up the chair and throw it across the garden. One of the chair legs snaps off from the force.]