The Chair and I

The Chair and I

Script Details
‘The Chair and I’ is a monologue told in the present tense.

Set in a garden at night, a person places a wooden chair in front of them before sitting on the grass. They speak openly and honest about their emotions in a first person monologue. Their identity is hidden.

PERSON: Just listen to me for a sec. It might change your life. [Pauses and stares at the wooden chair.] Right, are you ready? [Waits for a reply.] Yes? Good. [Leans head forward.] You don’t look like the sort who wants to be mucked about. You seem to be someone who wants to get straight to the point. [Pauses and moves their little finger back and forth.] Well come in closer. No, closer than that. Oh come on now, you’re just being silly. Pull the bloody chair with you if that helps. [Looks at the chair as it gradually moves towards them.] Right that’s better.
Now you can actually get to know me. Do I smell good? [Waits for a response and is shocked by it.] Really? That bad? Well you’re no better. It doesn’t look like you’ve taken a shower for a week. I mean come on. [Points at the chair in front of them.] Look at your stupid hair and all. It’s sick. It’s covered in grease and that’s only the start of it. [Smirks and speaks sarcastically.] Oh I’m sorry. You’re offended? Shame.

Oh yeah, where were we? [Pauses in contemplation.] Oh yes that’s it. I told you to listen for a second. Well we didn’t learn much, expect one thing. [Pauses, realising.] The fact is you’re not really there. [Angrily.] The chair is empty for God’s sake! You really think I’m thick? I’m not you know. [Waits and then carries as if deeply upset.] I’m just different.

[Stands up on the grass and raises voice.] Now get lost before you start judging more than my hair. [Points to their own head.] Trust me you don’t want to get inside my mind or anything.

Oh please, just shut up!

[Before exiting, they pick up the chair and throw it across the garden. One of the chair legs snaps off from the force.]


  1. Could 'The Chair and I' be the strangest monologue that has ever been written? Have your say here

    1. It's certainly bizarre but quite creepy at the same time..

    2. Thanks for your comment. That is certainly what I was going for.