Jake Borrett's Writing Blog: 2016

The Lesson Learnt From 2016

The Lesson Learnt From 2016

As the end of 2016 is approaching I wanted to reflect upon the year. 2016 has been a rather challenging year for me due to health issues and sadly we lost a few good friends and members of our family.

Although the year has been difficult at times it has also been life affirming too. In September I officially graduated with a first-class honours degree in English Literature and Creative Writing from University of Hertfordshire. The graduation ceremony was brilliant, and although my dad was unfortunately unable to attend it was nevertheless wonderful to see my friends and tutors again. The day served as a reminder of how far I have come, from the young boy who took learning support lessons during secondary school and the teenager who had to defer his second year at university due to a Crohn’s disease flare-up. I want to thank everyone who has supported me during my time at University of Hertfordshire.

I have surprised myself by having the confidence to undergo journalism and publishing work experience in London. I thoroughly enjoyed my time at The Independent and John Murray Press, and I was given the opportunity to write some articles about living with Crohn’s disease and dyspraxia. I will definitely go forward from this with a passion to be able to pursue a career in writing.

I also managed to complete lots of the goals I set at the start of 2016. I managed to:

› Get further involved with Radio Verulam, my community radio station

› Develop my own projects by working on a novel and a poetry portfolio

› Watch the films ‘Frozen’, ‘The Lion King’ and the first series of ‘Games of Thrones’ after promising to for so long

› Raise even more awareness for Crohn’s disease, ulcerative colitis and dyspraxia through YouTube videos, charity campaigns, newspaper articles, radio features and other blogging websites

2016 has taught me that I should always believe in myself. I will take this lesson forward into 2017, where in the upcoming weeks I will be travelling around Canada with my cousin; hope to continue raising awareness for hidden disabilities; and finally complete the tandem skydive in aid of ‘Crohn’s and Colitis UK’ and ‘Dyspraxia Foundation’.

I would like to thank you all for your continued support. You are the reason I continue to write. I wish you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy 2017.

Would I go back to when I was thirteen years old?

Would I go back to when I was thirteen years old?

There are a lot of photographs taken of me before I was thirteen years old and diagnosed with Crohn’s disease and subsequently dyspraxia. In the darkest of times I often imagine a scenario being played out where I am given the opportunity to go back to 2007 when I was thirteen and continue living without my two hidden disabilities. If I choose to accept this proposition the consequence would mean I would have new memories, new experiences and therefore new thoughts about who I am as a person.

In the darkest of times the simple answer would be yes, I would go back to when I was thirteen and be the ‘healthy’ individual we all deserve to be. In this moment I would believe I would not have been bullied for being ‘different’, for the way I vomited after playing sports and for not being able to form a sentence together. I would believe I would not have had to take learning support lessons in order to dramatically improve my progress in English as a subject. I would believe I would not have to frequently visit the doctors and stay in hospital in order to control a small intestine that wants to do nothing but hurt me. I would believe I would not feel isolated, depressed, petrified and ashamed.

However, once those dark clouds have drifted away I would recognise that my complex answer to this scenario would be no, I would not go back to the year 2007 when I was thirteen and change the person who I am. I would be influenced in my decision by how I am far greater than my two disabilities, that they do not, cannot define me. I would be influenced by my achievements such as gaining my First-class honours in English Literature and Creative Writing from University of Hertfordshire, and how I have published stories, articles and productions celebrating diversity. I would be influenced by my qualities of having an inner determination of not giving in to a small intestine that wants to hurt me, but instead to work with every time it drains me. I would be influenced by the amazing individuals I have met since I was thirteen who have listened to my fears and dreams, not with the intention to judge but with the intention to understand and to accept who I am as a person.

So if tonight I am asked, ‘Would you go back to when you were thirteen years old?’ I would like to think I would say no.

I know that I am greater than my Crohn’s disease and dyspraxia; but I also realise that the two hidden disabilities have influenced me, at least in part, to become a determined, creative, empathetic and courageous individual who has met some incredibly decent people. I would not want to change this. After all, only in total darkness can you see the stars at their brightest; only when rain dashes the sun will a beautiful rainbow appear.

The Hallowed Wish

The Hallowed Wish

On the morning of each Halloween a girl or boy finds a green ring underneath their bedroom pillow with an attached note. The note reads, ‘At 10.00pm tonight make a wish of your own desire.’

There was once a girl called ‘Sarah’ who wished to have no more school homework; and a boy called ‘Brian’ who wanted a plate of chocolate biscuits.

There was also once an unknown boy or girl only referred to as ‘They’. They wished for their daddy to be ‘well’, free from sickness. The next morning They found their daddy had not be ‘cured’ and They cried; but thereafter They spent each day making their daddy smile.

It is unknown whether these stories are real, but even so their wishes reveal all.

This Halloween a girl or boy will find a green ring underneath their bedroom pillow, but what will they wish for?

This Boy Is Me

This Boy Is Me

The boy stands next to his primary school teacher, holding her hand as he watches the other boys and girls throw a ball through a hula-hoop for sports day.

The boy sits at his desk trying to read the squiggles he has written on a piece of paper, but blames himself as he cannot make out the letters.

The boy gets pushed over by the other students in the corridor. They take his bag, shoes and laugh as his pencil case and books drop out.

The boy falls off his bike, scraping his knee on the pavement. He cries and runs into the house and says he will never ride again.

The boy screams. He shoves books off the shelf and smashes glasses onto the floor. He stops. In the mirror he sees a boy trembling.

This boy is me.

---

I paused many times whilst writing the sentences above, because those memories are all real and they all hurt.

‘Dyspraxia Awareness Week’ comes around once a year, and each time I make sure to spend five minutes of every day reflecting upon my experiences of living with Dyspraxia.

I reflect that it is okay for our brains to process information differently, that it may take us longer but we do get there in the end and actually go beyond expectation. After all, we are all unique and have a story to tell.

It is also fine to be scared, frustrated or angry sometimes. We should not shy away from who we are because a few judgemental people try to insult us. They only do this because they are jealous and have not realised who they are as individuals. Remember our voices can inspire others to share theirs.

I am reminded there are incredible people out there, many of whom I would not be here today without. I am thankful for my family, friends, the staff at school and university, and the Dyspraxia community who prove we can be fantastic in spite of having Dyspraxia.

Finally, I should never forget how far I have come and where I am going next. So, in the future if I ever feel anxious, angry or hopeless I should tell myself the following:

---

The boy runs with the ball and kicks it in the top corner of the goal. He swims across the water and does ten laps of the pool. He goes outside again, grabs the bike by the handles and rides off into the distance.

The boy holds up the piece of paper and reads the sentence, ‘Always believe in yourself.’ He then starts to produce stories and poems that will last forever.

The boy shakes hands with the governor who presents the boy with the certificate stating he has graduated with First-class honours in English Literature and Creative Writing from University of Hertfordshire.

The boy high-fives his friends and hugs members of his family; and joins in games of poker and bowling, goes to the cinema, travels to snow-capped mountains and deep oceans.

The boy places the knocked over books back onto the shelf and mends the broken glasses. In the mirror he sees himself, smiling.

This boy is me.

Fading Away In Seven Days

Fading Away In Seven Days

(After Tom Warner)

We walk in silence, just the two of us.

Seven Days gone then there’ll be only one.

Together our hands touch, keeping ourselves warm,

From the frozen wind that will never stop.

We walk in silence, just the two of us.

Up the hill we go, leaving behind the city below.

Together on this withering journey, soon to be apart.

Still we’ll have our memories that will never fade.

We walk in silence, just the two of us.

Looking up into the sky, we see a little creature fly.

It’s a green butterfly swirling and twirling in the air,

Soon to be joined in its dance that will never end.

We stop in silence, just the two of us.

Looking at her burning tears, hiding both our fears,

My little girl is still unaware of what Seven Days means.

But I know that our love for one another will never die.

Thoughts From Inside The Ambulance

Warning: This blog post contains strong language

Thoughts From Inside The Ambulance

I have been inside an ambulance only once. This was in 2007 before I was diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease.

I awoke in the middle of the night with excruciating abdominal pain, screaming as if someone had stabbed me. No one had stabbed me but instead my small intestine was attacking twelve-year-old me. My mum dialled an ambulance and they arrived what seemed like hours later.

I chose to describe this night in my GCSE English Language examination; the question asked to ‘Describe a day from your childhood’, but looking back on it nine years later can be challenging. Having said this I still remember a couple of thoughts from that night as I was driven to hospital, including:

› Is this the gas and air they give pregnant women in hospital?

› This is what it must feel to be drunk.

› Why is it taking so long to get to hospital?

› Fuck. I’m dying.

I also recall thinking that I was lucky to have my mum. She sat next to me in the ambulance holding my hand. I cannot pretend to know what she was thinking. All I know is that I am grateful for having a wonderful mum. I am thankful for all the times she stayed in hospital with me; for when she calmed me down during my emotional outbursts; for the hugs and smiles; and for believing me when I said I was in pain. Thank you for being there for me.

Summer 2016 Snapshot of Inflammatory Bowel Disease and Dyspraxia

Summer 2016 Snapshot of Inflammatory Bowel Disease and Dyspraxia

I hope you all are having a wonderful summer. Over the last couple of months I have been fortunate to have had work experience at The Independent, John Murray Press and Radio Verulam. The people I met were lovely and all three placements gave me the chance to raise awareness of Crohn’s Disease, Ulcerative Colitis and Dyspraxia.

This explains why the writing blog has been rather quiet. So, over the upcoming months I hope to publish more content including short stories, poetry and screenplays, but primarily to write more articles exploring the diverse aspects of living with invisible disabilities. In this post I will explore what possible areas to write about.

Inflammatory Bowel Disease

In terms of Inflammatory Bowel Disease, together we have explored colonoscopies; how to deliver a diagnosis; diet; and the larger community.

Some further areas to cover in the near future are:

› The impact on education, work and social life

› Having surgery and its possible implications

› The seriousness of fatigue

› The Modulen Diet and other forms of medication

› A letter written to my Crohn’s Disease

Dyspraxia

In terms of Dyspraxia we have reflected upon educational psychologist tests; how reading and writing can be impacted; the positives of Dyspraxia; and the larger community.

Some further areas to cover are as follows:

› The impact on education, work and social life

› A letter written to my Dyspraxia

› Anxiety and Depression

› Planning, memory and organisation

› Dyspraxia in the media

Please do share your own suggestions in the comments below or on the Facebook page. Your continued support means a great deal to me so thank you.

Keeping on the subject of Dyspraxia, the Dyspraxia Foundation have launched an urgent campaign to raise funds to ensure their services can continue until they are able to secure long term sustainable funding. They are an amazing charity offering support to thousands of people diagnosed with the specific learning condition and their loved ones. For further details about their campaign please explore their website and their fundraising page at http://campaign.justgiving.com/charity/dyspraxia/appeal.

For now, thank you very much for being there for me. I hope you have a good summer.

Earliest Memory

Earliest Memory

“What’s your earliest memory?”

I was five years old. I was playing in a field covered in violets with my brother. We twirled and danced in the breeze. The sky was crimson, like a fire had sparked in the heavens. The soft buds made my fingers itch as I stroked them, but I didn’t mind. My brother was smiling and that mattered most.

We were in too much of a trance with nature to notice something watching us from the horizon.

The night fell and the sky turned to blood. Still we played among the violets. I spun in one complete circle and when I stopped I noticed my brother. His smile had gone. There were no tears though. He was just watching a shadow in the distance. He shivered for the last time.

“What’s your earliest memory?”

I kept silent.

The Inflammatory Bowel Disease Community

The Inflammatory Bowel Disease Community

Thursday 19^th May 2016 marks World Inflammatory Bowel Disease Day, where all around the globe those impacted by Crohn’s Disease and Ulcerative Colitis will be raising awareness for the two main conditions. Since being diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease at the age of thirteen I have received a massive amount of support from family, friends and the community. In this article I hope to show there is always someone willing to listen, because they listened to me.

The Charities

‘Crohn’s and Colitis UK’ is an incredible charity, helping to improve the lives of those with Crohn’s Disease and Ulcerative Colitis but they also provide support to loved ones as well. I whole heartedly thank them for the guidance and encouragement they have given me over the years.

Of course ‘Crohn’s and Colitis UK’ is only one example. There has been a huge increase in the number of charities attempting to challenge the stigma over Inflammatory Bowel Disease. Their work has been fundamental, for instance in gaining media coverage for Crohn’s and Colitis from news and radio channels including BBC News and ITV’s This Morning.

The Fighters and Their Supporters

I am thoroughly pleased to say I have been inspired by all those individuals with Crohn’s Disease and Ulcerative Colitis who have achieved their dreams and ambitions despite their condition. You are all brave fighters. Not only that, but supporters and loved ones have done an incredible job raising awareness and funds, and breaking taboos and silences related to the disability for instance discussing diarrhoea and stoma bags.

Some of these fighters and supporters, like me, have set up writing blogs and pages to share their experiences with Inflammatory Bowel Disease. Here are some of the links to their brilliant pages:

› So Bad Ass

http://www.sobadass.me/

› Crohnies In Need

https://www.facebook.com/CrohniesInNeed/?fref=pb&hc_location=profile_browser

› Crohn’s and Colitis Awareness

https://www.facebook.com/CrohnsColitisAwareness/?fref=pb&hc_location=profile_browser

› I have Crohn’s disease and it sucks! Support & social page

https://www.facebook.com/I-have-Crohns-disease-and-it-sucks-Support-social-page-269452443152295/?fref=pb&hc_location=profile_browser

This is only a short list because there are thousands of others proving they can fly the purple ribbon and literally kick the butt of their lifelong condition.

-----

I like to believe there are many wonderful people out there who are willing to listen and inspire others going through dark times. The charities, the fighters and the supporters all do an amazing job and prove ‘The Inflammatory Bowel Disease Community’ is outstanding.

Kite Flying In The Autumn Night

Kite Flying In The Autumn Night

(Dedicated to Enid Borrett, 1927-2016)

In the autumn night a white light from the city below

Splashes onto the knotted bows hanging from string.

As the wind brushes against the stars they start to sing

To the fluttering of the kite dancing in the blue glow.

I watch your tired eyes following the path of the diamond kite;

I follow your small hands tracing the knotted bows in flight;

I beam at your weak smile on the promise of future days;

I cry at your exhausted tears from fear of past dismays.

So I kneel on the grass, hoping nature is kind tonight.

The wind kisses the inches between my two shivering hands.

I pray for the night to give us a gift to silence our fright,

So when I open my eyes the kite softly lands.

I walk the kite over, watching it dance beneath the autumn night.

I wrap the string around your shaking fingers, pull the thread tight;

But in your grasp the kite fights back, its wings start to flap,

Its paper begins to crack and the knots nearly snap.

So under the autumn night you let the kite go.

Together we wave as it rises back into the glow.

The kite tilts its head as if to say goodbye;

Until dawn it shall soar under the autumn sky.

This Frozen Day

This Frozen Day

My eyes flicker open as something wet licks my ears. I’m surrounded by this white powered snow. I call out but my echoed voice is muffled by the whirling flakes gliding down on me. Puffs of crystal trees shiver in the distance, trying to keep warm underneath their blankets. I just lie here on the ground, stroking the snow between my fingertips. My lungs breathe deeply, taking in the flakes tickling my tongue. No one can hear I’m sure of that. I don’t know how I got here, but I don’t want anyone to find me.

Trembling Beauty

Trembling Beauty

We sit in the field. Silence echoes.

Dad freezes high up in his chair, whilst I cross-leg

On the ground. Alone. The hay stretches for miles

But no one’s here to admire its trembling beauty.

The wind brushes up against our faces, stroking

The corners of our lips. I arch my arm, clutching

Dad’s hand and inhale his invader’s tremors.

A stranger, forever stalking our footprints.

A red butterfly sprouts out of the gold, circling the air.

Its wings flutter, floating down sapphires from the sky.

We let the gems trickle to the dirt with a sigh,

Our hands don’t let go as this beauty passes by.

The Dyspraxia Community

The Dyspraxia Community

'Hope In Darkness' concluded with the words, ‘In darkness there is always light, there is always hope’. I like to think in our most difficult of times there is always at least one person willing to listen, wanting to understand. Since being diagnosed with Dyspraxia at the age of eighteen I have received overwhelming support from family, friends and the community. In this article I hope to show there is someone there to help, because they helped me.

The Foundations

‘Dyspraxia Foundation UK’ is an amazing charity, helping improve the lives of those with Dyspraxia but also provide support to loved ones. I cannot thank them enough for the guidance and encouragement they have given me.

‘Dyspraxia Foundation UK’ is only one example. There has been an increase in the number of charities around the globe who are attempting to break the silences and taboos over our condition. Their work has been extremely important, for instance gaining media coverage for Dyspraxia from news and radio channels to television series such as Tree Fu Tom, a BBC series with a hero with Dyspraxia and special powers.

The Supporters

I have also turned to supporters in the past, those who attempt to educate others about Dyspraxia through their body of work. This can come in many forms from websites, textbook guides and picturebooks hoping to challenge the stereotypes and myths often associated with learning conditions such as our own.

There are many examples of excellent examples, including:

› Adele Devine’s Literary For Visual Learners, which is a guide offering approaches to teaching reading, writing and communication skills that support visual learners and those with specific learning conditions. Adele Devine is a special needs teacher at a school for young people with severe learning difficulties and Autism in Surrey.

› Jane Binnion’s You’re So Clumsy Charley, which is a cartoon-style book following the daily challenges of Charley, a young boy with Dyspraxia. The author Jane Binnion, who herself has been diagnosed with Dyspraxia, notes ‘The book is about dyspraxia...but we chose not to name it in the story because this book is for every child that is different.’

I have often found myself reading such guides to provide me with additional strategies to overcome any obstacles my Dyspraxia poses. When I was revising for my university English Literature examinations I found it challenging to retain critical theory and textual quotes. I followed the advice of using visual aids to help enhance my memory skills, for instance creating colourful revision posters.

The Fighters

I am pleased to say I have been extremely inspired by those individuals with Dyspraxia who achieve their dreams and ambitions in spite of their specific learning conditions. They and their loves one are true fighters.

Some of these fighters, like me, have set up writing blogs and pages to share their own experiences of Dyspraxia. The following are links to some of their brilliant pages:

› Mikey’s Wish – Verbal Dyspraxia Awareness

https://www.facebook.com/Mikeys-Wish-Verbal-Dyspraxia-Awareness-1530762927191903/?fref=pb&hc_location=profile_browser

› Natalie Williams’ The Blog With (More Than) One Post

https://theblogwithonepost.wordpress.com/

› Rosie’s Thinking Out Of The Box

http://thinkoutsideofthecardboardbox.blogspot.co.uk/

This is only a short list, and there are hundreds of other incredible individuals proving they can be fantastic as well as having Dyspraxia. Dyspraxia does not have to define them. Together we are not fighting this battle alone, but we are united as a strong community.

-----

The intention of this article is to show there are many people who are willing to support, listen and inspire others going through dark times. The foundations, the supporters and the fighters have helped me tremendously and prove ‘The Dyspraxia Community’ is made up of wonderful individuals.

Looking Back, Looking Ahead

Looking Back, Looking Ahead

Happy New Year!

I hope you are all having a great start to 2016 and it goes on to produce many magical moments for you all.

You may remember that at the beginning of January 2015 I posted an article titled ‘New Year’s Resolutions (2015)’. Therefore I thought it would be interesting to reflect upon the year gone by to see whether I achieved any of my goals, before I set myself a few more for 2016.

Reflecting On 2015

In 2015 I set myself the following New Year’s Resolutions:

› To develop ‘Jake Borrett’s Writing Blog’

› To raise lots of awareness for Crohn’s Disease, Ulcerative Colitis and Dyspraxia

› To do a tandem skydive

› To complete a number of other ‘bits and bobs’

Let us start off with the negatives. Unfortunately I have yet to complete a tandem skydive. I have set this goal since my dad did one in June 2009 in aid of Multiple Sclerosis. This year I promise to fulfil this goal. I should have more time in the summer as I will be graduating at University of Hertfordshire in September 2016. I will do a skydive in aid of ‘Crohn’s and Colitis UK’ and ‘Dyspraxia Foundation’.

Moving onto the positives, I would like to think we have developed ‘Jake Borrett’s Writing Blog’ together, and have raised lots of awareness for Crohn’s Disease, Ulcerative Colitis and Dyspraxia. As a team we have taken part in ‘World IBD Day’ and ‘Hats on for Christmas’.

With your amazing support the writing blog has received over 30,000 views and there have been over 1,000 Likes on the Facebook Page. Thank you so much.

I have been lucky enough to appear on my local radio station ‘Radio Verulam’, where I have shared my poetry and hopefully have broken some silences over our disabilities. Also the health website ‘Patient’ has been kind enough to allow me to publish my articles ‘Support Soars Higher Than Mountains’ and ‘Five Ways to Tackle Inflammatory Bowel Disease At Christmas’ on their website. Ultimately thank you all for your wonderful support.

Additionally I carried out a number of other ‘bits and bobs’ throughout 2015. Some of my highlights include visiting Shakespeare’s Birthplace at Stratford-upon-Avon and spending a week away with my cousin and friends in South Wales.

The Year Ahead: 2016

So what are my resolutions for 2016?

Here are some of my possible goals:

› Continue developing ‘Jake Borrett’s Writing Blog’

› Raising even more awareness for Crohn’s Disease, Ulcerative Colitis and Dyspraxia

› Tandem skydive in aid of ‘Crohn’s and Colitis UK’ and ‘Dyspraxia Foundation’

› Getting further involved with ‘Radio Verulam’

› Graduating from the University of Hertfordshire with a degree in English Literature and Creative Writing

› Acting and writing for my local theatre group, ‘Abbey Theatre’

› Developing my own writing projects, in prose and poetry

› To watch the films ‘Frozen’ and ‘The Lion King’ and the television series ‘Games of Thrones’

Yes, believe it or not many of my friends are shocked to learn I have not watched The Lion King. It was therefore a good thing I received the film as one of my Christmas presents.

Ultimately, I want 2016 to be a year filled with happy moments. Thank you for being there for me. I hope the year ahead is incredible for you.

Pages